My Wednesday Wishes.

today i wish...

i wish i hadn't slipped in english class..uggs have no grip at all.

i wish that i had cute, shiny, purple hunter rain boots to stomp in puddles with.

i wish my boyfriend would pay his phone bill fast.

i wish somehow my stomach would magically be full.

i wish i wasn't afraid to be alone at school.

i wish everything from anthropologie cost one dollar. 

i wish i had incredible eyesight. 

 i wish doing the right thing was really easy.

i wish i was home under my covers. 

xo.

Today I saw a man fall over on his bike and laugh at himself, and a whole lot of wild turkeys on the track as I ran around it at school.

Oh, and discovered my amazing, three year old, ten dollar boots from old navy have a massive hole in the sole of them. I'm crushed. But will continue to wear them until my socks are hitting the pavement. That's all. Hope you had a beautiful Tuesday. I'm looking forward to Wednesday, because it's supposed to rain.

xo.

Today I realized..

I am: The girl who is intensely loud. Who is thankful my legs carried me 3.56 miles on a nice run this afternoon. Who paints my nails too much. Who likes words like "lovely" and "wonderful". Who is awe struck when prayers get answered...even the baby prayers. Who will not be defeated. Who thinks it's the biggest let down in the world when I pour my cereal in the bowl, and discover there is no milk. Who would eat In-N-out for breakfast, lunch, and dinner every meal, of every day for the rest of my life...but I refuse to to set foot near Mc. Donalds. Who really likes the idea of high heels, but is afraid to wear them because I'm already way above average in the height department for a woman. Who can be cheered up by a four minute Beyonce song. The girl who has shot a bullet from a BB gun into my moms wall, cracked our kitchen tile with a car window shatter thing, broken plenty of faucets, plates, cups, mugs, bowls, wine glasses...etc. The girl who is extremely blonde and a huge air head.

And the girl who is a complete sinner. The girl who NEEDS Jesus's grace EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. And the girl who GETS it!! Woah.

xo.

I'm happy.

Because..
It's Friday.
My baby's tank is clean.
My room is clean.
I ate bacon.
I know I'll get homework done this weekend.
I finished The Hunger Games book one!
I get to run Friday, Saturday, AND Sunday.
I can take all the naps I want.
I have my soccer pants.
I really like water, and it's really good for my body.
It's really warm outside.
It's spring and I can start wearing intensely bright colors.
My hair is fading back to blonde!

A brand new love.

One word. Funyuns. 

During the school months I'm always "malnouturished" ... Malnourished. 

I forget to grab something to eat before I go to school, or forget to bring my wallet to buy lunch here.

The other day I came home from school...and desperately needed something to eat.

My stomach was in the state where it had (I'm gonna say literally but really it's probably just figuratively) literally started to eat away at itself. 

Like the state where you would eat dirt if there were no other options. 

I opened up the cabinets and the fridge to see almost NOTHING to eat (which really means there is tons of food, but you're too lazy to make anything...) but after going back and forth between the two...I saw a small bag of Funyuns. 

Funyuns. What? So random. Why are they even in here? Do I like Funyuns? I used to like Funyuns. My Grandma used to give them to me and my siblings while we were at her house...probably while watching Smart Guy, Sister Sister, or Anne of Green Gabels.

Well..I was just hungry enough to try them again.

And something magical happened. 

My taste-buds and stomach both screamed in unison "HELL YES....!" (I get on them about the cussing...)

F.U.N.Y.U.N.S 

Oh my. What a creation. So salty, and crunchy, and onion-y. 

Basically heaven in a tiny, bite sized, onion ring looking, fake onion ring fry sort of thing.

Now normally I'm weird about what I put in my mouth. I like to feel healthy and good on the inside and out, but I couldn't even stop once I started.

It's a good thing it was a little bag instead of a big one, because I probably would have downed the entire thing...!!! 

Dear Funyuns, I promise to love you forever. 

xo. 

Valentines post...because...

I love, love. I think it's wonderful and brilliant. 

Sure, today isn't technically a "holiday", but in my book it's almost as exciting as Thanksgiving or Christmas. 

I like pink, flowers, red, hearts..etc. 

I think it's offensive when people say "Happy single awareness day." It's only single awareness day if you are focusing  on the fact that you're single. 

For me, until last year, Valentines day has never, ever, ever, ever...ever been about relationships. 

It's been about focusing on love in general.

Are married, engaged, and dating couples the only people who are able to love? Or are able to appreciate it?

NO. Today don't focus on if you have someone or not...focus on love in general! 

The love of your family, or friends, or Heavenly father, or for me more recently...the love of Funyuns (I'll elaborate on that a little later.) 

Just love.

With that being said, I hope you have a lovely Valentines day celebrating all types of love.

Maybe.

Maybe today I woke up at 5:30 and straitened my hair, and then it rained...

Maybe I was really unprepared for it, and only wore a super thin sweater.

Maybe It's only 7:20, but I'm SO  ready for bed.

Maybe it's only three weeks into school, and I'm ready for summer.

Maybe I get the little kid shivers throughout the day that run all the way down my spine.

Maybe I'm going to try to REALLY incorporate more color into my wardrobe... 

Maybe I love my truck, and get really sad when I think that it might kick it soon.

Maybe all it takes to make me feel important is a huge hug.

Maybe my English teacher needs to wear a bra.

Maybe I absolutely love playing the guitar and piano way too much that it distracts me from important things...like eating lunch, or doing homework.

Maybe I think dresses and flippy skirts are way more fun than just wearing jeans.

Just maybe. Xo.

An awkward heart prompt.

Today I was writing an essay for a scholarship. The prompt was this: "Share about a cause that has been important to you, and how it came to become meaningful in your life. And, how do you plan to use your education, gifts, or experience to help influence, impact or remedy the cause?" 

I sat looking at this question for a while, even though I knew what I was going to write about. It's hard. It's hard to go back in my head, with all the hard work that I've done to block it out, shove it down, and demolish it out of my brain. I know it has been part of who I am. Pain that has made me strong, and who I am today. And though I’m thankful for this, it still hurt, and still bothers me to dwell on it. Many of you know, but most of you don’t, that two years I suffered from an eating disorder…well, actually two eating disorders. I was anorexic and bulimic at the same time. I would starve myself, and when I did eat enough, I’d make myself throw it up. It was a secret, that I didn’t tell anyone, and when I did, rumors were spread it was fake, and that I only wanted attention. Ouch. I've had, and have had a good life, but that was by far the lowest point. When I admitted I needed help, and wanted help, but wasn’t believed. But, I’d like to think my lowest point in life will get me to my highest. I'd like to think I'm tough now. My “cure” is to change society’s disgusting pressure it has on women. Or even the pressure we put on ourselves. And it hurt to write about it. My heart still hurts when I think about it, like achy joints when it starts to rain…but I’m determined to use my bad experiences from the past for good one's that can even help others in the future.

That’s all.

Xo.  

Brigher than the sun.

Today...feels like spring. My windows open, my fan is on, and I'm not wearing a sweater.

All the pink trees are in bloom, my walls are extra yellow, and Colbie Caillat is playing on the radio. 

My truck windows are rolled down and flowers are blooming e.v.e.r.y.w.h.e.r.e! 

Oh...and I changed my phone case to yellow. 

I would say happy spring, but I'm going to the snow next weekend and the weekend after that...

I'll say it in March!

photo via pinterest.

Little letters.

Dear 1 liter, $1.95, aquafina bottle of water,
So far every day of school you have saved my life, head, body, and...anything else that water can have an effect on. Thank you!

Dear Gavilan gym,
So far...I don't like you at all. You're small, you smell, and why are there hardly any girls in there? Really?
And why is the ONE treadmill about two feet in front of the bikes...that all the football players like to ride on...?

Dear women of the world,
Isn't it a bummer our legs have to be perfectly shaved basically 100% of the time?

Dear tights,
Thank you.

Dear blog,
Sorry you're not super high priority right now, you probably feel left out.

Dear Yurtle,
PLEASE stop growing so fast!!

Dear Finite math,
You're really, really, really hard...and all word problems...please soak into my brain anyways?

Dear weekend,
I'm excited for you.

Just a day.

Today was one of those days..and by saying that you have no idea what I mean. You're probably thinking "what kind of day? A good one...? A bad one? Who knows." Well...I don't even know. It was just one of those days.
One of those days where I wished my bed was right behind me so I could crawl in it and hide under the covers, or my mommy was there to hold my hand. Yeah, I'm a legal adult but sometimes I need my mom...and my bed. It was one of those days where I think to myself "Man, you're going to be here forever...stuck in community college...taking classes you don't like, and you don't want to take...forever." Forever? Get real. I don't think so. I guess boyfriend is right, and I can be dramatic sometimes...just sometimes. It was one of those days where I say "Oh man! I really liker her shirt!" OUT LOUD, and it's a male...stinkin' cute polka dot blouse though...really. One of those days where my gas needle starts to creep towards the big orange E, that mocks me loudly, and I get a little choked up...because what? Yes...I just filled you Monday, tank. One of those days when a your history teacher says there will be NO adds at all in his class, and you have to take gym instead. One of those days where you're checking on your turtle baby boy more than normal because you keep having nightmares he's getting hurt. One of those days where even your Beyonce CD can't make you feel better...
yeah, it was just one of those days.