A happy list.

15 things that make me terribly happy?

1. Letting my hair dry naturally into a white woman fro.
2. Good relationships.
3. Running until I literally cannot go any farther.
4. The fact that I inherit a brother in law so so soon! 
5. Bright red lips.
6. The fact that Christmas is five months away.
7. Answered prayers.
8. Diet coke.
9. White shorts.
10. Pickles.
11. Sweet conversations with three year olds.
12. Wearing two pairs of socks.
13. Indoor/outdoor slippers.
14. Full batteries.
15. Getting ready to go camping.

Husband letters.

Dear unknown and maybe unmet future husband,
with the sisters wedding literally right around the corner we have been insanely busy. With all this wedding stuff right in front of my face it's hard not to think of my own dreams and what I would want for my own day. When I think about marriage, I don't really think of the DAY that I get to marry you. It jumps to different things, like carrying out the Mann family every Saturday morning pancake breakfast tradition, having major life adventures with you, or how you're going to deal with someone who hates do to laundry more than olives...
Anyways, long story short?
When I was in 8th grade, my lovely mother told me that I should pray for you and my unborn kids every day. At first I had no idea why or what to even say, but now that I'm older I realize that she gave me some of the best advice a mom can give a daughter.
I pray for you every single day.

I pray that you will be a spirit controlled Christian. Ephesians 5:18.
I pray that Jesus is number one in your life, and not just an ornament. Mark 12:30.
I pray that you have a soft heart that relies on Christ alone. Philippians 4:13.
I pray that you are a man of vision, someone who cares for others relationships with Christ. Romans 10:14.
I pray that you are not overly, but sensitive and in tune to others needs. Galatians 6:2.
I pray that you understand the awesome responsibility of a husband to his wife. Ephesians 5:25-31.
I pray that you are humble enough to be a disciple but able to disciple others (hopefully high school students). Matthew 28:19-20.
I pray that you are a man of prayer and know it's the key to a successful relationship with Jesus. Colossians 4:2.
I pray that you are a family man who wants to raise kids to adore Christ. Proverbs 22:6.
I pray that you are patient and don't lash out not if, but WHEN I mess up. Colossians 4:6.
I pray that you are honest, all day, everyday. Proverbs 12:22.

I'm excited to pray these things and will continue to do so long after we have said "I do."

Psalm 34:5

I've always been insanely stubborn. I don't enjoy asking for help. When I do, I feel embarrassed or weak. I'd like to think of myself as strong and independent. Sometimes though, just like anyone else...I so desperately need help. 

"The lid on the jar is too tight."  "I can't figure out this guitar bar chord." "Matt, how in the world do I set up call of duty?" 

Admitting I need help and asking for it is just difficult.

However, admitting to my savior that I need help with every area of my life is even harder.

It absolutely should not be, but it is.

Bottom line, without His help shaping me, molding me, and turning me into the masterpiece He has created me to be...I would be an awful wreck. 

Psalm 34:5

Those who look to Him for help will be radiant with joy;

no shadow of shame will darken their faces. 

decisions.

Sometimes, I change my mind. A lot. "I want to be blonde, I want to have brown hair. I want to be a surfer, what in the world...this water is cold and I'm sure I'm about to be eaten by a shark. I really want six kids, just kidding, I only want three. I am going to be a skydive instructor, nah maybe that's pushing my luck. Maybe when I get married I'll wear a short dress, nah...long for sure." 

I could probably keep typing these lame situations forever...

I'm indecisive and most of the time that's okay, because of the fact that what I'm indecisive about really means nothing in the scheme of life. 

I have completely decided to be in love with Jesus Christ. To live my life like a Proverbs 31 woman does. To let go, and let God in every situation. To live out the fruits of the spirit every second of every day. To wake up every morning drenched in Christs mercy and have my first thoughts be on Him alone. To whisper "good morning, Lord." and continue our conversation all day. I have decided, and will not change my mind, because these decisions are big ones...life ones that actually mean something. That's all.

Proverbs 31:25 - She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future.

I will love again, and it will be magnificent.

Dear future lover,
I have a hard heart. It's been broken, torn, bruised, and has been made messy. It has loved, it has hated. Sometimes it feels lovely and sometimes it feels really gross. But most of the time...it's hard and bitter. Sometime I feel like it is completely pointless to try and make it anything other than that. But then I realize, you are the reason. I have loved and lost, and if I keep my heart hard...I will never be able to love others the way Jesus wants me to. That includes you, future husband. I hope that you will adore my heart all the time, no matter what shape it's in...and I hope that to you, my heart is forever keep-able.

Trying to live and love
With a heart that can't be broken
Is like trying to see the light with eyes that can't be opened.
 
I'll let you look inside me, through the stains and through the cracks
And in the darkness of this moment
You see the good and bad.
But try not to judge me, 'cause we've walked down different paths
 But it brought us here together, so I won't take that back.


Xo,
Wife.