Oceans.

go down to the sea in ships, Who do business on great waters; They have seen the works of the LORD, And His wonders in the deep.
- See more at: http://bible.knowing-jesus.com/topics/Oceans#sthash.uBRbYgZl.dpuf

Because I'm a California girl, I've grown up spending a big chunk of time at the beach. Also, because I have two older sisters to keep up with, a lot of that beach time was spent in the water. Honestly, I'm not a huge fan of swimming in the ocean, but I have never let fear, or "what ifs" keep me from having fun or living my life. There's something about the ocean that gets me. I've always been completely awestruck by it. Maybe because it's huge, or powerful, or unknown. Maybe because I find it completely beautiful. I could sit and listen to waves for hours on end, or breath in salty breaths and squish my toes in the sand all day. I love it.

You call me out upon the waters
The great unknown where feet may fail
And there I find You in the mystery
In oceans deep
My faith will stand

And I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise
My soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours and You are mine

Your grace abounds in deepest waters
Your sovereign hand
Will be my guide
Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me
You've never failed and You won't start now

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior

Those lyrics are from the song Oceans by Hillsong United. I heard this song a few months ago, and thought it was amazing. It was one of those songs that gave me the "dang it, I wish I had written that myself!" feeling. Despite knowing that it was amazing, I didn't really relate to it. Not until now, when my life currently feels like it's trapped in the ocean. Stuck under waves, being knocked around, in the great unknown, where my feet are totally failing, and I don't know what's next. Maybe it stems from pride and not liking help, or just a plain heart full of sin, but it's hard to keep my eyes on Jesus when oceans rise. It's hard to let my soul rest in His embrace daily. It's hard to let myself be His every second of every day. It's hard to choose joy. Sometimes I feel guilty about that, but then I remember that His grace really does abound in the deepest water. When I'm stuck under waves with my eyes not on Him, He is sovereign and exactly what I need, and never fails me. Even though I can't see over the waves, He will mold my heart and lead me where my trust has zero borders and grow my faith. Today I'm thankful for that.

Sick Story, Dude.

Story time.
Last December I had a series of horrible tonsil infections. 3 in a matter of 4 months. Every time the infection came back, just to be safe, I went and got checked for Strep Throat. Every time it was a "No, but you should get your tonsils out if this keeps happening..."
No thanks.
Anyways, about six weeks ago my tonsils did their thing and got infected again. After rinsing with hot salt water and hydrogen peroxide, the infection went away. Usually the case. Despite the infection going away, my mom later that week got Strep Throat. She told me repeatedly to go get my throat checked even though I now felt fine.
I did, and she went with me...but there was almost a 2 hour wait in a room that smelled like...well, I'll leave it up to your imagination but lets just say really really gross.
Anyways, apparently if you leave your strep untreated, you get insanely sick...like way sick.
Since Saturday I've had something called Rheumatic fever:
"Rheumatic fever is an inflammatory disease that can develop as a complication of inadequately treated strep throat. Strep throat is caused by infection with group A streptococcus bacteria.
Rheumatic fever is most common in 5- to 15-year-old children, though it can develop in younger children and adults. Although it's very rare in United States and other developed countries, rheumatic fever remains common in many developing nations.
Rheumatic fever can cause permanent damage to the heart, including damaged heart valves and heart failure. Treatments can reduce tissue damage from inflammation, lessen pain and other symptoms, and prevent the recurrence of rheumatic fever" 
Sounds really fun huh? Nope. I promise it's not.

• Fever between 100-103
• Painful and tender joints — most often the ankles, knees, elbows or wrists; less often the shoulders, hips, hands and feet
• Pain in one joint that migrates to another joint
• Red, hot or swollen joints
• Small, painless nodules beneath the skin
• Chest pain
• Sensation of rapid, fluttering or pounding heartbeats (palpitations)
• Fatigue and Passing out
• Shortness of breath
• Flat or slightly raised, painless rash with a ragged edge (erythema marginatum)
• Jerky, uncontrollable body movements (Sydenham chorea or St. Vitus' dance) — most often in the hands, feet and face
• Outbursts of unusual behavior, such as crying or inappropriate laughing, that accompanies Sydenham chorea

 All the underlined symptoms are the ones I've continually endured since Sunday. (I'd like to point out that I have absolutely not been inappropriately laughing...whatever the heck that means. I've done lots of crying though.)



"Inflammation caused by rheumatic fever may last for a few weeks to several months. In some cases, the inflammation may cause long-term complications."

Those long term complications include heart problems, but I'm not going to worry about that. God is in control, I trust him, and now after 6 days I am diagnosed and have an antibiotic on it's way to the pharmacy.

Another long term, and heart breaking problem includes missing school. I missed all four days this week. I even tried to get up and go on Thursday, which ended in passing out less than five minutes after I showered.

I'm in Cosmetology school, and it's required for us to clock in and out every single day. Each day, we get a total of 7 hours. You're not allowed to miss anymore than four lectures, or four days of complete school. We only go to school four days a week...because of this, I am forced to withdraw from the program for one semester. If not, the chances of getting stuck in traffic and even missing one minute would result in a complete drop from the program and having to repeat ever hour I've ever put in. With withdrawing from the program just for the semester, I am able to keep my freshmen hours and start where I left off (the begging of my second semester) and come back in the spring. Now all I have to do is try to convince the school to refund my money...600 dollars. It's already passed the date to do so, but I'm going to battle this one hard. So now, all I need is prayer. And lots of it. Prayer that I heal, and find an awesome job to fill up my time in the next three months. Prayer that I don't consider myself a failure because I'm having to take a little time off of school. Prayer that I don't think OTHERS think I'm a failure. Prayer that I can get fully refunded for semester that I didn't even get to attend.
That's all.
xo.