Today I was writing an essay for a scholarship. The prompt was this: "Share about a cause that has been important to you, and how it came to become meaningful in your life. And, how do you plan to use your education, gifts, or experience to help influence, impact or remedy the cause?"
I sat looking at this question for a while, even though I knew what I was going to write about. It's hard. It's hard to go back in my head, with all the hard work that I've done to block it out, shove it down, and demolish it out of my brain. I know it has been part of who I am. Pain that has made me strong, and who I am today. And though I’m thankful for this, it still hurt, and still bothers me to dwell on it. Many of you know, but most of you don’t, that two years I suffered from an eating disorder…well, actually two eating disorders. I was anorexic and bulimic at the same time. I would starve myself, and when I did eat enough, I’d make myself throw it up. It was a secret, that I didn’t tell anyone, and when I did, rumors were spread it was fake, and that I only wanted attention. Ouch. I've had, and have had a good life, but that was by far the lowest point. When I admitted I needed help, and wanted help, but wasn’t believed. But, I’d like to think my lowest point in life will get me to my highest. I'd like to think I'm tough now. My “cure” is to change society’s disgusting pressure it has on women. Or even the pressure we put on ourselves. And it hurt to write about it. My heart still hurts when I think about it, like achy joints when it starts to rain…but I’m determined to use my bad experiences from the past for good one's that can even help others in the future.
That’s all.
Xo.
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