Letters.

Dear disgusting bug,
You are more than 100% unwelcome. Please go away already!

Dear orange juice, tea, airborne, and more tea,
Please make me feel better.

Dear weekend and Monday,
You were insanely rough, but incredibly productive!!

Dear school,
You're half over!! Yes!!

 Dear PMS,
You are 100% un-enjoyable. In fact, you make life itself for almost two weeks miserable.

Dear weather,
Please knock it off. Stick to a season. Summer...you had your chance, now GO away.

Dear Candace,
Quit making pumpkin bread...thanks.

Dear pumpkin spice coffee creamer,
I get out of bed for you.

Dear Siren,
You're unbelievably adorable when you are hidden in the window by my blinds, but I can hear your making kitten noises and flicking your tail all around.
 

Matthew Wade Woodson Mann

Today is my baby brothers birthday.

I remember when he finally got to come home from the hospital (he had to stay there a month after he was born, because he was a preemie.)

I remember when I knocked his arm out of his socket when he was two.

I remember how when he was still in a car seat, he would bust up laughing when cars went by his open window.

 I remember being the only one who could make him belly laugh when was a baby. 

I remember he laughed at me when I broke my foot and I was mad...(I also remember him stubbing his toe so bad last night on my door frame, and I got to laugh at him..I guess we're even.) 

I love and know that he is selfish, sensitive, kind, smart, thoughtful, handsome, lazy, and a total manN. I also know that we butt heads a lot...I really just don't get the whole 15 year old boy things ;) but I know that I love him with all my heart and I wouldn't trade him for any brother in the world! 

You may not know.

That eating an apple or peanut butter toast can make me happy for hours.
That fall is my favorite season because I'm still excited about my summer, and stoked that winter is next.
That I could probably spend all day tucked in my covers snuggling my kitten...if she would let me.
That I've struggled all my life with excepting who I am and thinking I'm beautiful,  inside and out, and horrid blog comments don't help.
That I like Crocs...go ahead and judge me.
That the rain, thunder, and lightning puts me in the best mood I could possibly ever be in.
That I have major test anxiety and struggle with exams no matter how much I've studied...so when I get a good grade, it's a big deal.
That I have an irrational fear of explosives, and being rear ended.
That putting in the last piece of a puzzle is probably my favorite ever...
That when my bangs actually cooperate with me...I have a happy heart.

xxo.

Tuesday thoughts.

The potter and the clay.

I know this a whole lot cliche and this example may get used a lot...but I finally really understand it.

This semester I am taking a ceramics art history class to fulfill my art requirements.
It's three and a half hours long, goes right through lunch, and has dried out my hands to the point of cracking and bleeding. It's not very fun, and no one is remotely friendly at all...what I thought would be my most fun, and easiest class this semester, has turned out to be the longest, most boring, hungriest, frustrating class I've ever taken. For a few weeks, we've been doing a lot of wheel work, rather than pinch pots or coil pots, or any other project.

Trying to make something on the wheel is literally the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. First, you actually have to try and mesh your clay to the wheel plate. If not, then your clay goes flying off the second you start to spin it...(absolutely 100% embarrassing!) Then, you have to center your clay. What? Honestly, I don't think I've ever used my arm muscles this intensely before. It can take more then twenty minutes, bent over the wheel, elbows on your knees (kind of how batman rides his bat-motorcycle...in fact, maybe I pretend I'm batman on that motorcycle to make the time go a little faster), trying to get your clay in the right spot with no air bubbles, and mashing it down, and squeezing it back up again...it's not fun. Keeping it wet because it can't get too dry, molding it, creating "a foot"...it's all very specific and takes a whole lot of time and effort.

However, I finally literally understand the potter and the clay references when it comes to God and his children. God is at his wheel daily, and I, specifically my heart and spirit, are his uncooperative, stubborn, and annoying clay. Despite how stubborn I actually am, He likes to be the potter. He likes molding my heart to be like His! He is working on my heart every second of every day. Shaping me, and whispering subtle reminders  for me to be like Him, and not to trust anyone else with the shaping of my heart. I'm guessing it's a tough job, because sometimes I have a really tough heart. He probably doesn't find it easy to center it(maybe He pretends He's batman too), or to keep it soft enough to work with...but I try to do my best to work with Him, and let Him guide me to be who He has intended me to be all along. 

Isaiah 64:8 - But now, O LORD, you are our Father; we are the clay, and you are our potter; we are all the work of your hand..

Just the little things..

..that make me happy.

1. When someone does something for you, without being asked.
2. When a teacher lets you out of class 30 minutes early.
3. Bonding with someone you never expected to.
4. When your birthday month has the best picture on the calendar.
5. When you think no one sees your embarrassing moment! (As in, pulling your binder out of your bag and it flinging a tampon a few feet in front of you on the floor...yeah, that happened.)
6. Stretching after a hard workout.
7. Finally getting an eyelash out of your eye.
8. When someone asks if you made it home okay.
9. Friendly cashiers.
10. Bright red leaves.
11. A clean public bathroom.
12. A perfect signature.
13. Positive feedback on homework you worked really hard on.
14. When your favorite band comes out with a new song, and soon a new album.
15. People who love me despite my flaws.

My heart is overwhelmed - Psalm 68:19

Praise the Lord; praise God our savior! For each day he carries us in his arms. 

Psalm 68:19.

Remember when you were little and would pretend to be asleep in the car when you got home, just to be carried inside and put in bed? Not having to get out of your tic-tac decorated "big girl" seat, not having to walk, not having to put on your jammies and brush your teeth, but to just get carried inside...have your shoes taken off for you and be tucked in?
I do.
I didn't do it because I was lazy. Does a five year old really know what lazy even is? I didn't do it because it was fun to play "possum"...I did it because there was something about having my mom or dad, quietly (I'm pretty sure they knew I was awake every time) pick me up, and tuck me into their chest nice and tight. Strong arms holding me close, protecting me from my very innocent-nothing-ever-goes-wrong-world.
I'm not five anymore, I can't pretend to be asleep in the car anymore, I can't be held like a child physically, and my world is for sure no longer the same.
Lately I've felt like I haven't been held spiritually, emotionally, physically, or mentally in a long while. Sometimes loneliness creeps into my heart. I'm pretty good at putting on a nice facade and a big smile, pretending I'm 100% more than okay. I'm not good at, and not even comfortable with showing emotions or opening up to anyone without them verbally crow-barring their way into my heart.
With this random loneliness that comes and goes, other emotions seem to pile up and make days drag on and on, and my feet drag forward instead of willingly moving.
However, I never have to question why I'm lonely. Why I'm emotional. Why I'm at my breaking point. Why I am a bummer to myself. I know exactly why. Sin. Discontentment. Not reading my Bible every day. Not being willing to Listen to what God is whispering to my heart. Not praying continually, all day, everyday. Forgetting to be thankful. Forgetting who I am as a young woman of God.
I know these things, but I can be stubborn and think that "I've got it", without the Lord's help...and every time I'm wrong. And every time I'm wrong, it's like a slap in the face.
This past week and weekend, I've been at my "every once in a while" breaking point. I had the "I've got it" mindset, and got my annual slap in the face.
Today I decided "I don't got it..." and picked up my Bible, thirsty for the word of God. Thirsty for reassurance in myself and in my faith. I knew exactly where I wanted to read, but my hands flipped elsewhere landing on Psalm 68. I read it with tears of joy, and also regret in my eyes for the fact that it was exactly what I needed and I should have turned to His word a lot sooner in the week. The words "For each day he carries us in his arms" stuck out to me on the page like they were in bold just for my eyes. Instantly, my heart was overwhelmed. I may not be a five year old who gets carried in from the car anymore, but I am an adult who is carried in the arms of Christ every single day of my life, and for that I am more blessed than I can even imagine. For that, my heart needs to be overwhelmed countless times each day. It needs to stay in the soft state where it can be overwhelmed and captivated by my creator, and I'm working on that specifically.

xo.

Welcome back, friend.

Fall is 100% my absolute favorite season. 

You still have your tan, and all your summer memories, but are looking forward to Christmas and winter! 

It's the perfect in between! 

I am so excited for good apples, bonfires, boots, crisp weather, hot cocoa, pumpkin spice coffee creamer...pumpkin spice EVERYTHING, frost, rain, leaves, pumpkins, sweaters, blankets, football, boots, scarves, two pairs of socks, and beautiful colored leaves. 

I love when the world changes color. 

A friday happy list.

 15 things that make me terribly happy

1. Green peach tea.

2. The fact that Thursdays are my Fridays.

3. Getting things done.

4. The fact that fall and winter are right around the corner.

5. Sweaters and leggings.

6. Clean sheets.

7. Snuggling with siren.

8. Going on adventures.

9. When Candace comes home on the weekends.

10. Singing and playing the guitar.

11. Healthy hair.

12. Playing a new CD over and over...and over again.

13. Random thunderstorms.

14. Funny teachers.

15. Soft feet.

 

I've been gone, and that's okay.

A brilliant summer:

A beautiful sisters wedding.

Moves.

Adventures. 

Hellos.

Goodbyes.

Laughs.

Tears.

Sunshine.

Sleep.

No sleep.

Long trips.

Short trips.

Hello fall, I'm ready for you. Summer '12 was perfect. I'll get back into the swing of things soon, I hope.

xo.